We’ve heard more than 10 out of 11 EFL owners ever wanted to hear about the now-famous Wolverine Elevator, that handy service that rockets your team toward the penthouse — except when it doesn’t. Now there’s a Kangaroo Elevator, operating similarly, except it has a down button which torpedoes your team toward the cellar — except when it doesn’t — an exception which hasn’t happened yet since the Kangaroo Elevator opened for business.
Standings: Week 25, Game 4 (Sep 12, 2024)
| Team | Wins | Losses | WPct | GB |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Haviland Dragons | 89.81 | 58.19 | .607 | 0.0 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 88.82 | 59.18 | .600 | 1.0 |
| Peshastin Pears | 79.91 | 68.09 | .540 | 9.9 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 77.53 | 70.47 | .524 | 12.3 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 73.42 | 74.58 | .496 | 16.4 |
| Salem Seraphim | 72.21 | 75.79 | .488 | 17.6 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 71.78 | 76.22 | .485 | 18.0 |
| D.C. Balk | 65.99 | 82.01 | .446 | 23.8 |
| Cascadia Glaciers | 64.30 | 83.70 | .434 | 25.5 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 60.91 | 87.09 | .412 | 28.9 |
| Kaline Drive | 55.74 | 92.26 | .377 | 34.1 |
Haviland: 1.25 [3.39 – 061] v. Peshastin: (-0.25) [0.61 – 3.39]
After the first two days of Week 25, the Dragons and the Pears had played each other exactly even, each having 1.00 wins. But then something clicked for the Dragons. Wednesday they won 1.14 games, and Thursday they won 1.25, this time with great pitching: 13 ip, 1er (the combined work of Tarik Skubal and Mitchell Parker). Even with thin (19 PA) and mediocre (.278, .263, .389) hitting, that was enough to push the Dragons into first place, especially since the Pears hit worse (.143, .294, .214) and pitched not at all. But how did the D’s get an entire game in front of the Rosebuds?
Portland: 0.03 [0.18 – 3.82] v. Canberra: 0.97 [3.82 – 0.18]
Man, those Kangaroos are FIERCE this week! Hayden Birdsong (Who? That’s gotta be a made-up name) pitched the first 5 of the ‘Roos’ 6.3 shutout innings. With Dragon-ish hitting (.222, .250, .481) that was enough to get the ‘Roos most of the way to another dominant win. They got the rest of their help from the Rosebuds, whose pitching was wilted (8 ip, 5 er) and whose hitting didn’t beat Canberra’s (.258, .294, .387).
Hey! I just noticed something. While the Kangaroo Elevator is sending the Rosebuds toward the bottom of the standings (long way to go yet), it is also RAISING the K’s! It’s still an UP elevator, too, except the elevator owners (the ‘Roos) are the ones who get to go up. I guess the Wolverines shouldn’t have bought the cheap-o elevator, the one which only went one way.
Pittsburgh: 0.66 [3.15 – 0.85] v. Kaline 0.34 [0.85 – 3.15
The Alleghenys didn’t bother pitching yesterday; they were confident their hitting (.280, .333, .440) would carry them forward. And it was enough for 2/3 of a win over a Kaline team which also eschewed pitching Thursday, but couldn’t match Pittsburgh’s punchier hitting (the Drive line: .150, .150, .450
Salem: 0.11 [1.84 – 3.16] v. DC: 0.89 [3.16 – 1.84]
Salem subsided again Thursday, pitching rather poorly (8.3 ip, 5 er) and hitting about the same (.160, .160, .280). The bright spot: a Masyn Winn home run. The dull spot? Well, that would be any of the Balk’s bright spots. Not their pitching — the Balk once again didn’t send anyone to the mound. But they hit more than enough to make up for it: .333, .474, .667, albeit in only 19 PA. Yandy Diaz went 2 for 3 with a double and a walk to be the brightest of the Balkan bright spots, with competition from Danny Jansen’s 1 for 2 with a homer and a walk.
Flint Hill: 0.05 [0.13 – 3.87] v. Old Detroit: 0.95 [3.87 – 0.13]
Perhaps this is all a matter of moving into a new geological period in EFL history, the one when the mammals begin to rule. The only team hotter (in terms of Week 25 results so far) than the Kangaroos is (just barely) the Wolverines, who pinned a nearly total loss on the Tornados again. The W’s joined the ranks of the teams who gave their pitchers a mid-week sabbatical, but made up for it with great batting numbers: .333, .474, .400, led by the amazing Victor Robles (3 for 3 with a walk and two stolen bases) and the scorn-defying Jose Caballero (2 for 3 with a double, a walk and a stolen base): there were only 20 Old Detroit plate appearances in total.
Against this the Tornados mounted 0.3 innings of scoreless pitching and 32 plate appearances of sub-replacement hitting (.179, .281, .179) with no one going better than 1 for 4 with a single and a walk. Well, I guess Brayan Rocchio went 0 for 3 with two walks… I guess that’s not really any better.
Cascadia: 0.51 [0.99 – 3.01]. v MLB
The Glaciers took Thursday by a sliver-thin margin against MLB competition. The key was excellent pitching (8 2/3 ip, 2 er) led by Mitch Spence’s 7 ip, 2 er performance. Glacial hitting was sparse (16 PA) but good: .250, .400, .333.
