It’s spreading like the plague.
Standings: Week 27, Game 6 (Sep 28, 2024)
| Team | Wins | Losses | WPct | GB |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Haviland Dragons | 102.28 | 59.72 | .631 | 0.0 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 91.51 | 70.49 | .565 | 10.8 |
| Peshastin Pears | 90.33 | 71.67 | .558 | 12.0 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 83.33 | 78.67 | .514 | 19.0 |
| Salem Seraphim | 80.96 | 81.04 | .500 | 21.3 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 79.98 | 82.02 | .494 | 22.3 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 75.84 | 86.16 | .468 | 26.4 |
| D.C. Balk | 71.64 | 90.36 | .442 | 30.6 |
| Cascadia Glaciers | 71.31 | 90.69 | .440 | 31.0 |
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 67.59 | 94.41 | .417 | 34.7 |
| Kaline Drive | 63.54 | 98.46 | .392 | 38.7 |
Haviland: 0.49 [5.32 – 0.68] v. Portland: 0.51 [0.68 – 5.32]
Let this be a lesson unto us all: to get someone to behave better, praise may be more powerful than complaint. I praised the Dragons up and down yesterday for their mercy, and today they show mercy to the Rosebuds in a way they haven’t done in weeks. They let Erik Miller pile up his infinite chulk until he had allowed 3 earned runs in no innings. They scaled back their offense to a solid-but-not-scary .286, .375, .400. This allowed the Rosebuds some room to breathe, which the did, especially in their pitching: 11 ip, 3 er. This was a good thing, because the ‘Buds were offensively wilted… or at least wilted offensively: .200, .250, .378. This enabled Portland to slow Peshastin’s assault on second place to a near standstill, which might be all they needed to avoid falling into third place.
Peshastin: 0.63 [4.95 – 1.05] v. Canberra: 0.37 [1.05 – 4.95]
Can Peshastin’s slowed pace (gaining only 0.1 games on the Rosebuds) be attributed to Pearly mercy? Doubtful. I heard with my own ears Peshastin tell several people not involved in the EFL that the Pears “might finish in second!” This is an outcome he clearly relished. There was no sign there of impending mercy toward the suffering flora.
On the other hand, the Pears played well (0.00 ERA) but not pitilessly (only 3.3 ip, only .270, .317, .432 at the plate). Has compassion for wilted opponents flooded their fruity hearts? The Chief Pear himself told me he felt “wilted” yesterday evening — which didn’t stop him from ganging up with others to send me to defeat in 4 straight games of Settlers of Catan, he himself winning the first of those four.
I do not know how to gauge the mercifullity of the Pears. But the stutter in their step yesterday may have denied them the chance to finish second.
Did this hesitation do the Kangaroos any good? Yes. It shielded them from some of the ill effects of a slow day at the plate (.194, .293, .389), although their own fine pitching (4.3 ip, 0 er) in limited innings also helped. The ‘Roos lost ground to the Tornados, but they were already 3.4 games back so that didn’t really change anything. And they gained ground on the Balk, going from 3.7 game up to 4.2, which had to help the ‘Roos feel better. So perhaps the Kangaroos will appreciate the mercy of the Pears.
Pittsburgh: 1.15 [3.56 -2.44] v. DC: (-0.15) [2.44 – 3.56]
At first glance it appears the stony-hearted Alleghenys were unaffected by the mercy of the Dragons. The A’s took back part of one of the Balk’s wins this week! They batted without any signs of mercy: .296, .367, .574. But then we come to the A’s pitching, and we see two clear signs of a softer heart:
- They sat Paul Skenes down after only two perfect innings, and
- They left Luis Gil in there until he had given up 6 earned runs in 5.7 innings.
Is it possible for old, old stony mountains to still have a molten heart? I’ve never heard any report of this about the Alleghenys, but maybe I need to reconsider.
I’m not sure whether the Balk can see yesterday’s outcome as including a measure of mercy. But when you hit only .156, .222, .250, as the Balk did, you cannot expect to get out of the day without some setback. On the other hand, Balky pitchers did well yesterday: 5.6 ip, 2 er. So maybe that obscured their view of the day’s action, making it impossible to detect potential Allegheny kindness.
Salem: 0.28 [3.44 – 2.56] v. KD: 0.72 [2.56 – 3.44]
I’d be inclined to assume merciful intent in Seraphim, right? These divine beings, so close to God? Especially when they limit themselves to .156, .191, .311 at the plate? And have so far not resorted to their superhuman powers to seize the trophy? So maybe they were merciful — but that mercy wasn’t limitless. They still pitched with a vengeance: 12 ip, 5 er.
But not unrestrained vengeance. The last-place Drive still won the day. They hit well (.304, .333, .348) — especially the 4 for 5 with a double Logan Hoppe — and they pitched a lot (14 ip) without disaster (5.14 ERA), so they earned at least a good share of the day’s win. In which case the Seraphic “mercy” consisted of not stealing the win from them.
Flint Hill: 1.04 [4.24 – 1.76] v. CG: (-0.04), [1.76 – 4.24]
We have some teams incapable of mercy, one would think – a mountain range, some abstractions. Dragons are not KNOWN for mercy, but to the extent they are moral agents (and ours sure seem to be) they are capable of it. So might mammals be, and perhaps even plants. But here we have a matchup of forces of nature we would normally consider to be innately merciless.
Take the Tornados. They hit .375, .459, .563 — no sign of mercy there. They allowed 0 earned runs… but in only 2 innings. Is that a note of merciful restraint?
And consider the Glaciers, who, if they have a heart, it has to be literally icy. They doubled the number of scoreless innings the Tornados produced, but batted weakly, almost pathetically: .163, .217, .233. They have not been suspected of mercy toward the old, decrepit teams in the league, yet they held back from passing the Balk on their losing day. I cannot fathom the hearts of either of these famously deadly forces.
Old Detroit: 0.30 [3.33 – 2.67]
Ah, these Wolverines. Everyone knows they are just a bunch of old softies. Look at their pitching: 7.3 ip, 5 er. Very generous. Look at their hitting: .250, .353, .295. Even to the disembodied holographic major leaguers they face this week, they are being careful to help them save face by not beating them too badly.
Do you doubt the mercy of the Wolverines? Consider this: not only has Wolverine management allowed nearly the entire league to leave them in the dust, they spent last night letting other people win four games of Catan. And they’ve gone all morning without carping about either thing. Not even a whimper.
Even if the Drive used their two upcoming bonus days (a regular one today, and a bonus bonus day Monday) to steal back two of Salem’s wins, and the Wolverines utterly collapsed on the same scale to the MLB, so the Drive slipped past the Wolverines in super-dramatic fashion (and all this is still technically possible — for starters, Brandon Pfaadt is pitching today for Old Detroit), the W’s would be thrilled for the Drive’s good fortune. Such is the power of the example set for us by our overlords, the Merciful Dragons.
