I feel so bad for the Arch-Seraph. His team is sailing along in first place, but he seems unable to fully enjoy the experience. He can barely stand to watch!

What is it about humanity that turns us into nervous wrecks when things are going well? Or did there something especially horrific happen this weekend?

Results reflect games from both Saturday, August 2, 2025 and Sunday, August 3.

Portland: 1.2 [4.2 – 0.8] v. Salem: 0.8 [0.8 – 4.2]

Dave emailed us yesterday to tell us about Baseball Reference’s announcement that there would be no stats update on Sunday. The note ended with this poignant message: “Personally, I think we should just let Saturday’s games slide.”

This only made me more eager to see what happened to Salem on Saturday. Unfortunatly we cannot tell from today’s BR stats, which lumpa Saturday’s numbers with Sunday’s. We know that over the two days, Salem’s hitters made 71 plate appearances, producing a .308, .366, .415 line. Seraphic pitchers completed 26 2/3 innings, allowing 12 earned runs, for a weekend ERA of 4.06.

I can’t do this every time, but this once I went through all the Saturday box scores looking for Seraphic stats. Here’s what I found:

• Hitters: 33 AB, 9 H, 2 2b, 2 bb: .273, .314, .333.
• Pitchers: 20 1/3 ip, 10 er, ERA just under 4.50.

It’s probably under .500 in raw percentage, but did it deserve special hatred?

Look at the first three days of Week 19 for the Seraphim. Salem finished Week 18 with 71.3 wins. They finished Day 1 of Week 19 with 71.3 wins. They finished day 2 of week 19 with 71.3 wins. They finished day 3 of Week 19 with 71.3 wins. Their daily stats for those first three days of week 19 are MUCH worse than Saturday’s. On Thursday not a single Seraphim had a plate appearance!

Aha! Maybe the problem with Saturday wasn’t Salem’s “best of the week up to then but still mediocre” performance. Maybe the Rosebuds went ballistic! But as far as I can tell, the Rosebuds did worse on Saturday than the Seraphim, batting only .258, .324, .328, and producing no pitching. The ‘Buds weekend long stats also do not seem dominant: .241, .297, .397, with 6.7 ip 4 earned runs.

I dunno. Maybe Seraphim have powers to perceive realities hidden under stats. Maybe Seraphim are way more skittish than we have been led to believe.

Pittsburgh: 1.8 [4.6 – 0.4] v. Cascadia: 0.2 [0.4. – 4.6]

Or maybe the Head Seraph is afraid of the volcanoes in Cascadia, expecting them to erupt at any moment and overwhelm the top spot in the league. But the fact is: the Glaciers are having a worse week than the Seraphim! Over the weekend they lost 90% of the two contests, batting a mere .177, .261, .278, undermining some excellent work by the unexpected trio of Yamamoto (ok, he was expected: 5.7 ip, 0 er), Hurston Waldrep (5.7 ip, 1 er) and Logan Evans (for whom 5 ip, 3 er is a good day).

Alas for Glacier fans, they chose to play this poorly while facing the red-hot Pittsburgh Alleghenys, who pitched 27 1/3 innings over the weekend at the cost of only 9 earned runs. They only hit .241, .308, .390, but that towers over the Cascadian weekend offensive output.

Old Detroit: 1.6. [2.9 – 2.1] v. Flint Hill: 0.4. [2.1- 2.9]

Or maybe Salem’s complaint was just an old anti-Old Detroit reflex, since we finally had a good weekend. I mean, a good weekend considering the circumstances: the W’s batted nicely (.319, .355, .528) but did not have impressive pitching, notching only 6 innings at the cost of 4 earned runs.

The Tornados piled up 25 innings over the weekend, at an affordable cost of 11 earned runs allowed. But they batted only .213, .253, .280, with their ample 79 PA giving this rough performance more weight in their stats. Interesting note: all 11 of those earned runs were scored off Tornado starting pitchers, amid their 17.7 innings pitched. Six relievers combined for the other 8.3 innings without surrendering any runs, earned or unearned.

But the W’s are no threat to anyone, except MAYBE the Alleghenys (and not even them, since Pittsburgh is extending its lead over the W’s this week so far), so the Seraphim can relax.

Canberra: 1.0. [3.9 – 1.1] v. Kaline: 1.0 [1.1 – 3.9]

Kangaroos, apparently, turn out to be kinder and gentler than I was told. Having pinned the Drive to the mat over the first three games, the ‘Roos let up enough for the Drive to split the two weekend games. Overall, Kangaroos batted a mere .123, .217, .164, with Cedanne Rafaela all by himself accounting for more than half the team’s hits ( 5 out of 9) and two-thirds of the team’s extra bases (2 out of 3).

DC: 1.2 [2.1 -2.9] v. Haviland: 0.8 [2.9 – 2.1]

The Balk stopped the bleeding and gained on the Dragons over the weekend, OPSing an even .900 (.281, .339, .561) to make up for ERAing an even 7.00 (9 ip, 7 er). The Dragons dragged themselves through 8 2/3 innings while coughing up 5 earned runs, and didn’t make up for that with their .254, .341, .380 batting line.

Peshastin: 1.6 [2.9 – 2.1] v. MLB:

The Pears pitched very well — 16 ip, 5 er, 2.81 ERA — and hit decently (.247, .314, .409) to move ahead of their MLB foes in this week’s series.