… and so does Cascadia.

But the rest of us? Well, speaking only for myself: I don’t have a clue.

D.C. 0.7, Salem 0.3

Only four Balkans played yesterday in MLB’s light schedule. But they put up some great numbers. Three hitters went 13 PA, 385, .385, .923, most of that from Miguel Vargas who went 3 for 5 with two homers and a double. DL Hall pitched two scoreless innings. With all the replacements required to fill out the game, the Balk have a sub-.500 Week 11 raw winning percentage — but their .486 number is the best of any EFL team at this point.

Almost three times as many Seraphim played Monday — 11 of them. The 8 hitters completed 33 PA, but at a meager .188, .212, .375 level, with. the same number of home runs as DC. Two pitchers did do a nice job, however: Emmett Sheehan completed 6 1/3 innings while allowing 2 earned runs, and Tyler Holton added 1 2/3 more innings without surrendering any runs. But all that good pitching was undermined by all that replacement-ish hitting, leaving the Seraphim with a .313 raw winning percentage.

Kaline 0.8, Pittsburgh 0.2

You may remember how the Wizard predicted the Drive would sink in the standings once they were ejected from the league lead. Well, you can forget about that. Kaline gained on Salem yesterday, mostly by sheer volume. Despite the abbreviated MLB schedule, the Drive sent 12 men to the plate for 49 total PAs, and hit a creditable .205, .347, .410, featuring home runs by Jac Caglianone and Jake McCarthy, plus three Willi Castro walks and a Willi Castro HBP. Joe Ryan at least did better than replacement from the mound: 6 ip, 4 er, 6.00 ERA.

For the Alleghenys, Cade Cavalli did better from the mound than Joe Ryan, completing 5 innings for 2 earned runs. But the five A’s who totalled 18 PAs, only squeaked out a .067, .222, .267 slash line, well below replacement. Pittsburgh’s .109 raw winning percentage isn’t the worst in the league, but it’s second-worst, giving Kaline an adjusted winning percentage of .784, the second best in the league. This was enough to boost the Drive a half-game closer to first — about which, you will notice, the Wizard is staying awfully quiet. Was he hoping to sneak up on the Seraphim?

MLB 0.5, Cascadia 0.5

The Glaciers came within a hair of tying their MLB foes, and we can learn a lot from how they did that. They got 21 PAs from real players, who managed a solid .235, .381, .471 slash line, including a Colt Emerson home run. Gabe Speier provided the sole inning of live relief pitching, but at least it was scoreless. And the Glaciers still gained 1/10 of a game on the Seraphim. Also rather stealthy, don’t you think?

Haviland 0.6, Peshastin 0.4

The Dragons somehow wrung a full game’s worth of hitting out of the thin MLB schedule, sending 9 men to the plate for 40 PA and getting an excellent .343, .425, .629 out of them. Dillon Dingler was the star, blasting both of the team’s home runs. On the pitching side things didn’t look so rosy: Landon Roupp only lasted 4 innings, but gave up 8 earned runs for a nasty chulk.

Roupp’s chulk opened the door for the Pears to pick off a big win, which Emerson Hancock (6 ip, 2 er) and Caleb Ferguson (2 ip, 0 er) maneuvered the Pears into position to claim. But alas, the Pear lineup was not ready to help. Five guys took a total of 19 PA and slashed a mere .118, .211, .353. Junior Caminero did homer and walk twice, but everyone else contributed a total of one double — and a bunch of outs.

Flint Hill 0.8, Old Detroit 0.2

The Tornados had sort of a middle-of-the-road day by EFL light-schedule standards. They got 5 innings from two pitchers — one of them newly-acquired Shane Drohan — at the cost of 2 earned runs. They got 21 PA from 5 hitters who managed a just-above-replacement .263, .333, .316 batting line.

It probably didn’t look like much to Tornado management, until they got a glimpse of what the Wolverines were doing. Six Wolverine hitters combined for 28 PA and 2 hits — plus 3 walks and a hbp — to “achieve” the following: .083, .214, .250. The W’s did get a nice scoreless inning from new pitcher Brandyn Garcya (alt.spelling), and another one from Matt Brash, so the team could earn 2/10s of a win. But the OD raw winning percentage — 0.093 — is the worst in the league. Flint Hill’s kindly .285 raw winning percentage actually enabled the Wolverines to have a higher adjusted winning percentage (.205) — but that’s still the lowest in the league.

Canberra 0.7, Portland 0.3

Five Kangaroo hitters compiled 23 PA to produce some great numbers: .316, .391, .526. Riley Greene’s home run, double, and walk were the tentpole for the ‘Roo offense. Tyler Davis didn’t have as good of a day from the mound: 1 ip, 1 er. But at least it was only 1 inning, letting the K’s escape the day with a .350 raw winning percentage.

Portland skipped the pitching part altogether, which might have been a brilliant move to avoid an even-worse-than-replacement outcome the ‘Roos got. Seven Rosebuds came to the plate, accumulating 24 PA of their own. And they were good PAs: .222, .417, .444. Newcomer JJ Bleday even homered in his first game as a Rosebud, Colt Emerson-style.

So how did the ‘Roos win, if the ‘Buds pitched slightly better by relying entirely on replacements rather than getting 1 inning and 1 er from a named pitcher; and if the ‘Buds’ .861 OPS was more reliant on OBP than the ‘Roos’ .918 OPS. Portland allowed “only” 8.73 runs, while the ‘Roos allowed 8.87. But the ‘Roos scored 6.50 while the ‘Buds only pushed 4.61 runs across the plate.

However, Edouard Julien was allocated at 00% this week for Portland. So his 0 for 2 with 2 walks didn’t get counted, leaving the Rosebuds at 20 PA, .250, .366, .500. Meanwhile, Isaac Collins was allocated only 60%, so his 1 for 5 gets cut to 0.6 for 3, and the Kangaroo slash line goes to 21 PA at .330, .410, .565 — a true Edgar Martinez Day. There are also affects on the teams’ defense ratings from having only partial lineups, which I will predict also lean in Canberra’s favor. But I don’t have time to calculate those effects right now.