Today I described to a colleague how to teach a kid to ride a bike. “I taught my daughter by promising I’d run alongside her and hang on to the back of her seat so she wouldn’t fall. Then I let go of the seat without telling her — in essence, I lied to her.
“But,” I said, “with my youngest two sons (and a stray neighbor kid) I discovered the BEST way to teach a kid to ride a bike. Give them a two wheeled scooter — the skateboard with a handle style, but with only one wheel in front and one in the back. Then have them compete to see who can glide down your driveway and go the furthest across the cul-de-sac. When all three can glide all the way across, give them a little kid’s bike with the peddles removed. Tell them it’s just a scooter you can sit on. Repeat the competition.
Then give them the kiddie bike with the pedals back on. Repeat the competition again, this time with the rule they have to put their feet on the peddles.
All three kids — my sons Ben and Sam, and the neighbor boy — learned to ride bikes in an hour, having fun the whole time, without any mishaps. And I didn’t have to lie to any of them.”
Nevermind that the colleague said — ‘yeah, with the peddles off at first. That’s how we taught all three of our kids.” Nevermind that I had gone 15 years thinking I was THE genius at teaching kids to ride bikes, only to have it all dashed by a simple comment. I can still prove that I am a master coach in things difficult by what I did yesterday.
You may remember that yesterday I whined — well, that’s how some of you will describe my earnest description of the matter — about how three of my pitchers had combined for 11 IP and 17 er. The Wolverines could not afford for that to keep happening. So here’s what I did:
- I sat all my players down and Now that I’ve
Nevermind that this colleague replied “yeah, taking the peddles off is the key. That’s how we taught all three of our kids.” Nevermind that this offhand comment undermined 15 years of confidence that I was THE genius at teaching bike riding. I stopped that undermining before it could cause any damage, by remembering what I did just yesterday that PROVES my geniosity at giving instruction.
You may remember that yesterday I wrote earnestly (some of you may have thought of it as “whining”) about my three pitchers combining for 11 IP and 17 earned runs allowed. Well, right after that I fixed my team’s problems. I sat them all down and dished out some knowledge, as the kids say nowadays (I think).
“I know you’ve been playing baseball since you were 7. But by the time you were 7 I had been watching baseball for 40 years. I started by watching Sandy Koufax, and I’ve watched every great pitcher since then. And here’s what I know that you — through no fault of your own, other than being such noobs — apparently do not know.
“You can be great pitchers if you do three simple things:
A) Throw strikes,
B) Don’t throw your strikes right down the middle, and
C) Don’t try to be too fine around the edges of the zone.”
You should have seen the sensation my words caused. “Did Koufax do it that way?”, they wanted to know. “Yep,” I said, “and so did Seaver and Carlton and Morris. And so did pitchers I managed, like Clemens, and Maddux*, and Pedro Martinez, and King Felix.”
(*Mike Maddux. When I drafted Mike Maddux in our first draft in the old league –1992, I think — I wasn’t completely aware there were two Madduxes.)
Those Wolverine pitchers were transformed. “Why didn’t someone tell us this before?”, they asked.
Do you doubt their transformation? Then consider this: yesterday, after my inspiring words, here’s what my three pitchers produced: 9 ip, 0 er.
I don’t know what all those high-paid pitching coaches do all day.
But that wasn’t all. My hitters immediately besought me for similarly transformative advice. So I gave them some — I would tell you what I said, but why should I give away all my secrets? All you need to know is: it also worked. yesterday Wolverine hitters went .365, .411, .750. They clouted 19 hits, including 3 doubles, one triple, and five homers.
Standings Week 13 after 2 games
| Team | Wins | Losses | WPct | GB |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Old Detroit Wolverines | 43.61 | 30.39 | .589 | 0.0 |
| Pittsburgh Alleghenys | 43.06 | 30.94 | .582 | 0.6 |
| Flint Hill Tornadoes | 42.13 | 31.87 | .569 | 1.5 |
| Canberra Kangaroos | 39.50 | 34.50 | .534 | 4.1 |
| Salem Seraphim | 39.29 | 34.71 | .531 | 4.3 |
| Peshastin Pears | 39.07 | 34.93 | .528 | 4.5 |
| Kaline Drive | 38.44 | 35.56 | .519 | 5.2 |
| Portland Rosebuds | 37.86 | 36.14 | .512 | 5.8 |
| Haviland Dragons | 37.51 | 36.49 | .507 | 6.1 |
| Bellingham Cascades | 30.12 | 43.88 | .407 | 13.5 |
| D.C. Balk | 25.71 | 48.29 | .347 | 17.9 |
Canberra and Portland also advanced in the standings yesterday. I bet they also benefited from empathetic, warm, and inspirational words from their owners.
Outstanding Hitting Performances
OD: Nolan Jones: 4 for 4 with two doubles, a homer, a walk, and a stolen base: 1.000, 1.000, 2.250, 3.250
PA: None? Maybe Jordan Walker: 1 for 3?
FH: Masataka Yoshida: 3 for 5 with a homer: .600, .600,
CK: Isaac Paredes: 2 for 3 with a walk, and a hbp
SS: Harold Castro: 1 for 3 with a homer and a walk
PP: Brandon Marsh: 3 for 4 with a double.
KD: Corey Julks: 2 for 3 with a double and a walk. Randy Arozarena?
PR: Dylan Carlson: 2 for 4 with 2 homers and a walk.
HD: Connor Joe: 2 for 3 with a double.
BC: None — only 4 people batted, they had no extra base hits, and none reached base more than once.
DC: Alex Verdugo: 2 for 4 with a triple and a HBP (. ), narrowly over C J Abrams: 2 for 3 with a walk and a stolen base.
Outstanding Pitching Performances
OD: Marcus Stroman: 7 ip, 0 er
PA: Eury Perez: 6 ip, 0 er
FH: Three relievers covering 3 ip, 0 er ..
SS: Taj Bradley: 6 ip, 1 er , 1.50 ERA
CK: Tie: Reid Detmers, Clayton Kershaw: 7 ip, 0 er, 0.00 era (against each other?)
PP: None? see below
KD: Aaron Civale: 6 ip, 2 er, 2.70 ERA
PR: None: This case is like Peshastin’s: only one pitcher. 5 ip, 3 er for Ryne Nelson is not outstanding (5.40 ERA), but it isn’t all that embarrassing, either.
HD: Spencer Strider: 6 ip, 1 er, 1.50 ERA. Wasn’t he injured?
BC: None — Sure Camilo Doval pitched a scoreless inning, but how outstanding is that? He didn’t get them out in order, for example.
DC: No pitching.
Outstanding Embarrassing Performances:
OD: None by current Wolverine standards.
PA: Brent Rooker: 0 for 4 with 3 strikeouts.
FH: Ryan Noda: 0 for 5..
SS: Mookie Betts: 0 for 4 with 3 strikeouts
CK: Brandon Nimmo — on the currently-defined borderline: 0 for 4 with two strikeouts.
PP: None? Or maybe Nathan Eovaldi: 6 ip, 4 er 6.00 ERA. It’s not all that embarrassing. Nor is it outstanding. But it’s the only pitching Peshastin had on Tuesday — so it is notable somehow. Or maybe we just nod Nathan’s way and give this one to Josh Lowe: 0 for 5 with 2 strikeouts.
KD: MacKenzie Gore: 6 ip, 5 er, 7.50 ERA — a perfectly replacement-worthy performance.
PR: None. See above.
HD: None?
BC: Alex Kirilloff: 0 for 4 with two strikeouts: another borderline case.
DC: No embarrassed hitters.
